Waking up in less than 6 hours after being on campus for more than 8 in class, working on group homework, and tutoring a computer science class. The night before I had class 11 until 5, going to work out 2 hours later, attending a meeting after that, and rehearsing for a skit for 2 hours after that. This is all following the first double practice weekend for dragonboat where I finally realized I reached my limits.

On the boat on Saturday, we were working endurance to the point where I was called out to stop. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to tell myself I was weak. I knew I could get through it, and I did. The next day we had an another practice. We were working endurance again to the point where I had to stop. If there’s going to be a single rule about this sport it’s that you never stop. I couldn’t handle it. For the first time since I started this sport, I had to stop paddling because the pain was too much to handle. My leg cramped to the point where I had to tell my captain that I couldn’t go on. I felt so weak, so terrible, and so disappointed in myself that I had reached that point. Just sitting there not being able to go on while everyone else could do it perfectly fine around me just made me feel weak.

I’ve been told again and again that I don’t have to do all this. It’s okay if I take a break sometimes. It’s okay if I fail even. I just don’t want to be that weak person anymore, but I feel like if I’m not trying to take on the world, I’m not doing enough. I just don’t know if I can handle this all anymore.