I was spending it with a very special someone. My first special someone actually, and what we did three years ago on the thirteenth was lie in bed, watch a movie, do cutesy couple-y stuff, and most importantly,

wait to find out if he got the position he tried out for. He said they would post the results on midnight and he would know if he got one of the very few positions on this well-known group. What this meant to him was being a lot busier than before and not being able to spend much time with me anymore. At the time, I thought it was okay. I thought I could handle not seeing him as much anymore. I thought it would be okay that he was out all night and day without so much as a call or even a text. I thought I’d be really happy that he actually got the position. 

Because he did. We couldn’t spend the actual Valentine’s Day together because he was off to his first rehearsal for the group already. The first of many long nights that I would hope to hear from him, but never did. About a month later, we knew that the relationship was going south because we barely had time to talk, let alone spend time together.

I thought I would really be okay that he was so busy and we wouldn’t be able to talk much anymore. This was the point in my life that I had accepted that so much more comes before relationships at this age. But I was not as strong a person then as I am now.

We broke up sometime in March when we decided that we couldn’t give each other enough time to make things work. His best friend had always called me “Trooper” for sticking it out there for so long. I really am idealizing this whole situation though. Maybe getting that position was reason enough to put me aside for something else to excite him. Maybe I wasn’t what he was looking for.

But anyway, what I learned from all this was to put myself first for now. I’m 20 and realize that so many people I’ll meet in my life aren’t worth the time to get to know, let alone be a significant part of my life. I guess that’s what Valentine’s Day means for me nowadays.